I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
