he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
