So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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