if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
