She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
