your room smells of hookers.
And success
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
