But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
