I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
