All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
