yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
