I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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