Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
