You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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