his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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