I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
