i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
