We're like a lot better than the average bears
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize