Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
