Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wish I only lived at night.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
