Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
