Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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