I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
