dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Small penises have feelings too.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
