She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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