the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
