Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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