If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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