i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
