pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
