Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
