He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's blow job season.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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