So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize