Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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