apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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