Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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