Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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