he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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