I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
