when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
