sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
