We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
