Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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