So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
