dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
