Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
