Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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