you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
