somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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