please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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