you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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