She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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