So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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