She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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