Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
