he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
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