Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
