I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
