We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
