You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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