I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The air was thick with penises
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
