Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
