how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
