finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
