I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
