don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
