peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
