were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
