i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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