I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
