i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
